Neil Strauss - Rules of the - Ebook download as PDF File .pdf) or read book online. If you want to play the Game, you've got to know the his international bestseller The Game, Neil Strauss delved into the secret world of pick-up. I. THE STYLELIFE CHALLENGE Master the Game in 30 Days THE STYLELIFE CHALLENGE ALSO BY NEIL STRAUSS The Game.

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I don't know how I first came across Neil Strauss' The Game, or The Rules of the Game. It's one of the mysteries of the. Interwebs. How else does a gay guy. If you want to play the Game, you've got to know the his international bestseller The Game, Neil Strauss delved into the secret world of pick-up art. Written by Neil Strauss, The Rules of the Game is self-help book and a follow-up to author's earlier work The Game: Penetrating the Secret.

Make working out a borderline obsession. II Eat healthier. Control your caloric intake and review your diet to limit saturated fats, refined sugars, excess salt, and food high in pre- servatives and carbohydrates. Eat fresh fruits, vegetables, and lean DAY 5 C I protein.

III Make sure your clothes fit. Go through your closet and try on everything. If jackets drop off your shoulders, jeans droop off your butt, short sleeves stop at your elbows, or shirt necks hang down to your chest.

Rules of the Game

Commit to re- placing these items with well-fitting clothes that best suit your build. If you have any grooming or appearance issue not listed above—be it un- derarm sweat, foot odor, an unsightly blemish, or your ex-girlfriend's name tat- tooed on your neck—this is the day to start taking care of it. Research solutions online; talk to fellow Challengers in the Stylelife forum; and. Don't let yourself off the hook when it comes to looks. You no longer have an excuse.

Conquering AA Today we're going to discuss the single most debilitating problem facing would- be Casanovas: Approach anxiety is a crippling disease that occurs when a man is con- fronted by the prospect of approaching an attractive woman. Symptoms in- clude sweaty palms, increased heart rate, shortness of breath, and a lump in the throat. Psychologically speaking, it's less a fear of approaching than a fear of rejection. If you hesitated before walking up to anyone during any of your field assign- ments so far, then you have approach anxiety.

If you haven't been nervous yet, you probably will as the missions grow more advanced, or when you see that one special girl. It happens to the best of us. So turn to your Day 6 Briefing while there's still time and read the cure proposed by Don Diego Garcia, a senior coach in the Stylelife Academy. If you developed a confidence boosting ritual on Day 4, do it. If you downloadd any new items yesterday, put them on. You're going out again. Give four women spontaneous compliments.

Two of these women can be people you know--friends, coworkers, even your mother. But two should he strangers. Avoid general compliments such as - You're beautiful," And avoid saying anything that could be construed as showing sexual interest, like - You're hot,- Instead, focus on complimenting something specific, such as her nails, shoes, DAY 6 C handbag, or posture. After spending time rigorously examining yourself yester- day, you should find it easier to spot and appreciate these derails.

The most common response will be a sincere, polite, or dismissive thank- you. Leave after the compliment, unless she continues the conversation. The key is to he perceived not as trying to flatter or hit on her but as show- ing sincere appreciation of something you've noticed spontaneously. Though giving compliments isn't recommended for all approaches, gener- ating attraction isn't the goal today.

This exercise is designed to help eliminate approach anxiety, improve your skills of observation, and get you out of your head and aware of someone else's reality. The Eight-hour Rule Get a good night's sleep, because tomorrow is one of the most crucial days in the Stylelife Challenge. You cant wiry if you don't play That is the bottom line of bottom lines, courtesy of the California State Lottery.

If you stay in your solipsistic cave, you will never form a new relation- ship. You toast get out of the house and interact with new people. Approach anxiety is a name rtir the internal demon that keeps men from talking to attractive strangers when there are no external barriers.

Before work- ing on ways to convert approach anxiety into approach excitement, let's discuss two key concepts: Fear in moderation is a good thing.

It protects us from harm. For example, a fear of heights protects us from falling off cliffs. A fear of loud noises enables us to react quickly to warnings of danger. However, most fears and limits we have are the result not of nature but of nurture. We place limits on ourselves as the result of negative experiences From our childhood and the influence of au- thority figures.

The Freedom Mind The biological freedom mind gives us signals of hunger to eat, thirst to drink, and desire to procreate. In modem times, we also have cultural drives for power through career, enjoyment through play, and purpose through spiritual practice.

When our limiting mind and freedom mind are in homeostatic balance, all is good. We live in harmony with the world, effectively solving problems as they arise. But when our freedom mind and limiting mind fall out of balance, all kinds of afflictions arise.

Identify Your Limiting Mind Most of your limiting mind's beliefs were spoon-fed to you by your parents, guardians, teachers, clergy, peers. While there is some value in tracing the sources of your own personal limiting mind, it's more important to understand its structure.

The limiting mind tends to feed on itself in a downward spiral. Placing blame on others or on yourself for the material in your limiting mind only serves to strengthen it.

It's best to forgive, forget, and move on. The first step on most roads to recovery is acceptance—admitting that there's a problem. The second step in overcoming the source of our anxiety is to bring it out of unconscious darkness and into the light of our conscious awareness. Only then can we begin to dismantle it, see how it works, and cre- ate procedures to nullify it. DAY 6 C The limiting mind may present hindering voices.

Let's identify the types of internal media it can use to intimidate you into aborting a social mission. Voices of the limiting mind include: She probably has a boyfriend," "She wouldn't be interested in me," or "She's busy and I'd be interrupt- ing her. It won't work out anyway," "I don't feel like it right now," or "I'm having too much fun with my friends.

The limiting mind also expresses itself through physical sensations. When a potential threat registers on your radar. This hor- mone increases your breathing and heart rate; constricts blood vessels; tenses muscles; dilates pupils; elevates your blood sugar level; and weakens your im- mune system. Awaken Your Freedom Mind To abolish approach anxiety, convince yourself logically that the dialogue of your limiting mind is incorrect and in fact self-sabotaging.

In your Day I read- ing assignment, several limiting beliefs were dispmven. These are the kinds of rational responses your freedom mind can use when the limiting mind rears its ugly head. I'll smile and politely repeat myself more loudly, slowly, and clearly. But that doesn't mean I won't be able to push through it.

In the past. So let's do this! Then write down corresponding freedom mind responses that empower you. Use the word you for the scripts of your limiting mind, and the words I and me in your freedom mind responses. This will help you disassoci- ate from your limiting mind and associate more closely with your freedom mind.

It's up to you to feed positive scripts into your freedom mind on a regular basis, to give it the power to overcome, persevere, and succeed. To do this, pick three freedom mind scripts or affirmations that you feel would best replace your specific fears, whether they're the ones you just wrote down or ones in- cluded in this book. Write them on a single sheet of paper.

Then read them out loud with conviction during your morning or evening freedom mind ritual, and run them through your mind over the course of the day. Once you start to feel the beneficial changes, switch to another set of affirmations according to your new needs. Shift Your Submodalities Submodalities are the media through which your senses receive, remember, and process information. To help eliminate negative internal dialogue, try adjusting the submodali- ties of your limiting mind's voice.

Make it quieter and further away: At the same time. Consider making it the voice of someone you respect; a mentor, an actor, or your future best sell. If these exercises seem at first glance like New Age tripe, that's your limit- DAY 6 0 ing mind at work again. This process is exactly what trainers instruct top ath- letes to do to master their game. It's also one way that therapists eliminate phobias.

Visually, put your mental pictures and movies through the same filters.

First, overpower the images of failure in your limiting mind with the successful images of your freedom mind. Change a picture of getting ignored to one of being adored; change a picture of being rejected into a bright, vivid visualiza- tion of a beautiful woman pressing her phone number into your palm.

Now change the submodalities. Niake the images in your limiting mind small, distant, black-and-white, slow-moving. Disassociate with these negative images by seeing them not through your own eyes but as if you're watching yourself as a character on a movie screen.

Whenever your limiting mind images pop up, instantly replace them with large, bright, sharp. Associate with these images by seeing them through your own eyes. These mental exercises are best done just after waking up or before going to sleep, because that's when your subconscious is most open to changework. By repeating this exercise as often as possible.

Let Go of Your Outcome One of the biggest problems men have with appmaching women is magnifying the meaning of the interaction and focusing too intently on achieving one spe- cific outcome—whether it be exchanging phone numbers, making out.

Emotionally detaching from the outcome—while rationally working toward your goal—will significantly alleviate your anxierv. This is why the Stylelife Challenge offers small, easy-to-accomplish goals rather than large, unlikely ones. People can be random. And sometimes you may truly he surprised. That's why approaching is so much fun. So why constrain the possibilities of a new encounter by being dependent on a particu- lar outcomeT: To most people.

My definition of failure is quit- ting, giving up, or never approaching at all. Rejection is another word that's been misused and misrepresented. The dictionary definition of reject is "to refuse to accept. Do you feel an emotional sting? Probably not. If you invite someone to a social event, and she says "No thanks. But For most people it is different, and here's why: When the gum is rejected.

But when we extend an invitation and get rejected. But how could she possibly have decided she doesn't want us? She's known us only for a short while. She's practically a complete stranger. She doesn't know how great we are, the way our friends and family do. Why do we value her opinion over theirs? Why do we attach so much emotional baggage to a virtual stranger's ill-formed opinion?

You guessed it: Practice the Crash and Burn Strategy If, after reading this. Every accomplished social artist I know has a ton of rejections under his belt. That's simply the price you have to pay for excel- lence. To quote Michael Jordan, "I've missed more than nine thousand shots in my career. I've lost almost three hundred games. Twenty-six times. I've been trusted to take the game-winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life.

And that is why I succeed. It's more like somebody flicking you in the shoulder with a finger. You know it happened. It's actually just immature and embarrassing on their part. I took a student out once and tried to get us rejected to help him past his fears. But a funny thing happened: My plan backfired, and I wasn't rejected at all.

The conversation went something like this: Could you blow us out? We need to get blown out. What's that? Oh, that's when a couple of guys roll up and you're in some mood, so you're totally rude and don't wanna talk, and you tell the guys [0.

Oh, were not rude, Not at all? We ended up having a pleasant conversation for forty-five minutes, after which we exchanged contact information. The exercise was supposed to dem- onstrate that blow-ours are pain free, but it ended up teaching a different les- son: Feel Free to prove it to yourself.

Next time you see someone you want to talk to. As long as your comment or question isn't rude or hostile, you may be surprised by how diffi- cult it is to get solidly rejected. After trying this a few times, you'll also notice that everyone's responses vary. Then you can adjust your attitude to expect nothing and prepare for everything. Or, as the poet Samuel Hazo puts it: Expect everything, and anything seems nothing.

Expect nothing. Learn to Open Your first lesson today: There is no such thing as a pickup line. If there were a single sentence that magically made women fall in love or lust, every man would he using it.

Most of what people call pickup lines are actually comedic one-liners that were never legitimately used to meet women in the first place. What does exist is a specific sequential process that can be used to develop a romantic or sexual relationship with a woman.

And this process begins with the opener, perhaps the most important part of the interaction. Your task is to turn to your Day 7 Briefing and read the field guide to open- ers before beginning the next mission. Prepare Your Opener Your mission is to develop an original opener based on today's briefing.

The simplest way to generate an opener is to think about anything you're curious about. Choose a topic that is likely to capture the interest of most people. It can be a meaningful, debate- inspiring subject based on a relationship or spiritual crisis, or it can be a spe- cific, trivial subject based on a popular culture, travel, health, or social customs query. Then, instead of asking a friend about the subject or looking up the infor- mation on the internet, use it as a reason to talk to other people.

For example, if you cant remember who sings a certain popular song, make it your mission when you leave the house today to ask strangers until you get a correct answer. Even unlikely questions can he effective openers as long as they're genu- ine. For example, I was having a debate with a friend one day over the names of the oceans.

Okay, how many continents are there? Right, seven. And how many oceans? So here's the question: What are the five oceans? My friend and I have been stuck on this all day. We can come up with only four. Although today's briefing mentions different types of openers. Test Your Opener Get groomed, get dressed, and get excited. Your mission today is to approach three different women—or groups that include women--and deliver either an opener you've invented or one you read in today's material.

You may approach in the street. It isn't necessary to continue the conversation afterward. When the discussion comes to a natural close, exit with a simple line: Nice meeting you,- for example. It is not necessary to have three successful interactions: Tomorrow well add a few extra pieces that will greatly increase the success and effectiveness of openers. Evaluate Your Approaches In the space below, make a list of the approaches you did today If any went well, write down the reasons you believe they worked.

If any went pond. Approach 2: Approach Now review your list. Do any of your reasons blame someone else for a negative outcome "She was walking too fast," She was stuck up. If so, cross them out and replace them with an error you may have made.

Then write down a sugges- tion for what you could have done differently to make the approach more successful. Listen to any man in conversation with a woman he's met, and chances are she'll he subjected to a nonstofi barrage of questions that include one or all of the above.

And because she's answering them, the guy will think he's getting somewhere. Here's a question for you: Usually, the scenario ends like this: Slowly she starts looking around the bar, losing interest. The guy makes a desperate move and asks for her phone number.

She politely says she has a boyfriend, even though she doesn't. Game over.

Neil Strauss – The Game – 9 Easy Pickup Lessons from Style

Why does this happen? The comedian Chris Rock knows why. I le has a mutine in which he ex- plains that anything a man says to a woman translates as "How about some dick? An indi- rect opener is a way to start a conversation with a stranger or a group of people you don't know without hitting on anyone or showing any romantic interest. If you do this well enough. The following guide includes the basics of using and developing these openers.

Tomorrow, you'll learn two additional techniques to make them near failsafe. Types of Openers A successful opener senses four basic objectives: Mere are many different types and classes of openers. These include: All of these openers can work, but the first two often fall into the "How about some dicks category. Its okay to use them, but only if the woman is ini- tially interested in you or predisposed to be attracted to you.

And even then they may not always work. I prefer indirect openers because. And those are pretty good odds in this game, or any game. Most indirect openers are premeditated and scripted.

It may seem con- trived and unnatural to prepare something to say, but when you have a conver- sation starter ready to go at any time, you don't have to hesitate and try to think of something clever to say every time you see a woman you find attractive. Eventually you'll be able to start a successful interaction by spontaneously ,'saying just about anything. For now, though, think of indirect scripted openers as training wheels—ones that work so well many guys never want to remove them.

Before the Opener The game begins before you open your mouth. Because the initial approach is such a critical moment, everything from your body language to your energy level takes on extra significance. Here are a few points to keep in mincwhen approaching a woman or a group of strangers: As soon as you start staring at.

The reason is not just that you may seem creepy and desperate. From the second you walk in. Don't hesitate or waste time assess- ing the situation. The art of the approach is the art of spontaneity. If you wait too long. Your goal is to give the impression that you're on your way somewhere else and just pausing briefly to ask some random people a quick question en route. Once the group begins to enjoy the conversation, you may turn and face them.

If you're compet- ing with loud music or they're seated, just stand up straighter and talk louder. If all goes well, you'll soon be sitting down with them or moving somewhere quieter together. Smile when you approach. Even if a grin doesn't come naturally, fake it. It predisposes the woman or group you're about to engage to re- spond positively.

Most people are out to have fun.


So if you can add to their fun, you'll be welcomed into the group. IF you're bringing them down or making them strain to understand you, it doesn't matter what you say—they'll want to get rid of you as soon as possible. Mys to increase your energy level include talking louder, using hand gestures. But don't be too hyper.

If you lose just one person, you risk los- DAY 7 0 ing the whole group. So if you feel like someone's interest is waning. The more men there are in the group, the less likely it is that the women in it have been approached. You'll be surprised at how often the guys they're with aren't actually their boyfriends or husbands.

If they feel you're not respecting or acknowledging them. If you think any of the men mistakenly believe you're hitting on them, mention an ex-girlfriend or a crush on an actress.

Instead, open a group next to them, Then, during a high point of the interaction, casually involve the woman you originally wanted to meet in the discussion. What to Say There are three traits a successful indirect opener should possess: It should appear spontaneous, be motivated by curiosity, and be interesting to most people. There are also many subtleties. Never begin by asking a question that re- quires a yes or no response.

If' you say. Instead, begin with a statement, such as an observation, You guys look like experts," or a request for assistance: Even when you ask your actual question, it's not necessary to get an answer.

Pause for a moment, and if no one fills in the silence with an opinion. Where men are initially attracted to beauty. And a man of high status never apologizes for his presence. A well cam- ouflaged opinion opener can still evoke ten minutes of excited responses—which are also ten minutes you can use to showcase your humor and personality.

An easy opener for beginners is the "shady friend opener," which was based on a girl I dated. One bonus with this routine is that it can help you ascertain if the girl you're interested in is too jealous to seriously date. Here's a word-for-word script.

It was originally created in bars and clubs, so if you're out by yourself during the day, instead of pointing to a friend in the room, pretend you just got off the phone with him. YOU- Hey guys, let me get your take on something. I'm trying to give my friend over there advice, but we're just a hunch of men—so we're not really qualified to comment on these matters.

YOU - Okay, this is a two-part question. If you've been dating a guy for three months and he doesn't want you to hang out with one of your male friends, what's the appropriate response? Assuming that the person is just your friend, and nothing would ever happen. Okay, here's the second part of the question.

What if this friend was someone you used to sleep with?

Does that change things? I'm friends with some of my exes, but others I can't be friends with. So it depends. YOU Okay, makes sense. The reason I'm asking is because my friend over there has been dating a girl for three months, and she wants him to stop talking to a female friend of his. He hasn't dated this other girl for years, and they're really just friends.

The problem is, if he stops talking to her, he'll resent his girlfriend. But if he keeps talk- ing to her, his girlfriend will resent him. Something like that happened to me once, and.. If you're talking to a group, make sure you ask all the members—even the men—for their opinions. No one should he excluded, because if they arc, they'll feel slighted or get bored—and could influence the group to shut you out. Most important, as you deliver this or any other opener, remember that it's not the exact words that matter—it's your attitude.

The opener is used only to DAY 7 C break the ice and get the group's attention. It contains no magic formula that will make a woman swoon at your feet. It's just a way to keep your mouth mov- ing while you display your charming personality.

After the Opener A good opener will naturally lead to other questions and topics of conversation. Often, you'll be asked for your take on the dilemma you've asked about. Make sure you have one.

If you're normally a sarcastic or negative person. I know because I used to he that way. This is why its hest to draw openers from your own life. If the opener is about someone in college, you should know what college it is. Determine in advance the ages, professions, relationships, and other details of the people in the openers you use.

So be prepared. But don't overprepare. You'll come up with plenty of clever responses to common questions, related topics to discuss, and interesting details in the mo- ment. For example, if you're usingthc shady friend opener, and it elicits a flurry of conflicting opinions, you may find yourself saying, with a bemused smile. You're just like The View" However, beware of a common beginner mistake: As soon as the energy starts to flag, or you catch yourself thinking too hard of something to say to continue the conversation, the opener is over.

Cut the thread and move on. You'll learn exactly what to say next in future Challenge assignments, but for now just remember As soon as you start struggling to keep a dying conver- sation topic going, you may as well he asking 'I-linv about some dick" The Rule of Trying Now that you're learning scripted material, its important to remember the rule of trying: If you try hard, you die hard.

As soon as you're caught trying to impress her. One of the paradoxes of the game is that it takes a lot of effort to appear effortless. While its possible that in the future certain routines and lines in this book may become well known, the principles upon which they work have always been and will always be true.

So feel free at any point to go to www. As you become more advanced. You'll eventually he able to go out with friends and challenge one another to come up with the most ridiculous opening lines possible. And as long as your attitude is upbeat, non-needy, empathic, and positive, you'll discover that you can do no wrong. Troubleshooting Tomorrow you'll learn the two keys to avoiding most things that can go wrong during an opener.

For now. A rejection is not a comment on you but on your technique. Including Britney Spears. However, skill presupposes routine. And routine means repeating. So, you can already see the problem: And, as Neil Strauss found out, the more PUGs there are results in less girls for themselves as well. He found this the hard way: This is: Not with love.

By the way, did we mention that Neil Strauss, a treated sex addict, is currently a married father? You might like to know that. Like this summary? For those of you who want to learn something new daily, 12min App takes you on a personal development journey with the key takeaways from the greatest bestsellers. PT ES. Learn more and more, in the speed that the world demands. Take this summary with you and read anywhere! Download PDF: Download a Mountain of Knowledge For those of you who want to learn something new daily, 12min App takes you on a personal development journey with the key takeaways from the greatest bestsellers.

Website language: Which, in the preparation for the final stage, you actually do give her, by separating her from the group and entertaining her for a while. Three indications long! A touch, a squeeze, a romantic gesture, a seductive smile — any three would do! This is the perfect time for the closure: asking to kiss. It was through Mystery that Neil Strauss entered the underground seduction scene. He signed up for a workshop organized by him, and went from there to learning all the tips and tricks there are to know to becoming a PUG with a technique of his own.

The first step is a staple in the business : a great opening line. In other words, for a long period of time, you mainly ask and listen. Finally, the fourth step, is the physical part: consuming the relationship. And you can see how this can grow into a problem!

And acquiring enough skill may get you in the heart — or, rather, pants! Including Britney Spears. Neil Strauss used his technique on her and got her phone number! And routine means repeating.

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And, as Neil Strauss found out, the more PUGs there are results in less girls for themselves as well. He found this the hard way: he tried creating the Hollywood Project, a shared living space for PUGs where girls would come because of their reputation. Quite a few betrayals afterward, it had to be disbanded.And, in the process, I learned that money, looks, and fame— while they certainly make things much easier—aren't actually necessary.

For information please write: That means an end to the stock market, an end to cable television, an end to ordering anything you want off of site, and an end to the pampered modern life where men and women can comfortably seduce one another in bars, in the workplace, or on the Internet.

Repeat them until they're imprinted in your mind so that you'll he conscious of them during future conversations. And those are pretty good odds in this game, or any game.